Questioning the Answers

When Certainty Ceases to Make Sense

  • Home
  • About
  • Books

Christmas Eve Reflections

December 24, 2015 By admin 1 Comment

Photo credit: Snowflakes at Christmas (license)
Photo credit: Snowflakes at Christmas (license)

A couple weeks ago, my nine-year-old daughter approached my wife with grave seriousness. The two went upstairs to our bedroom so my daughter could be ensured privacy as she opened up about something that had been weighing heavily on her heart.

“Sometimes I think Santa isn’t real. I don’t understand why he doesn’t get gifts for you and dad.”

And so began “the talk.”

In our house, we’ve never attempted to make an airtight case for Santa Claus. We mostly asked questions and allowed our kids to navigate it and come to their own conclusions.

The Santa bubble was burst many years ago for my son, but since then even he has allowed his sister to navigate it herself. I’ll never forget the year a Wii showed up under the tree. In his exuberant excitement, my son jumped over to me to say thanks, but he quickly caught himself. Not wanting to devastate his sister’s understanding of Santa, he made sure his back was to her and quietly mouthed “Thank you.”

Over the last year or so, my daughter started piecing things together. Boxes in the basement from Amazon that are strangely similar in size and shape to presents under the tree. Catalogs showing up in the mail shortly after Christmas from companies whose products had shown up on Christmas morning.

And the list goes on.

In short, the reality of what my daughter was experiencing didn’t match up with her understanding of Santa Claus.

My daughter went on to talk about the conflict she was faced with because some of her friends do believe in Santa Claus and some don’t.  My wife’s response was brilliant – something I would never have thought of and one small example of why she’s amazing. I was intrigued as she relayed the story.

“Your friends who don’t believe in Santa Claus? They’re right.”

My heart sank a bit.

“And your friends who do believe in Santa Claus? They’re right, too.”

My face contorted in a bit of confusion.

“There was a man named St. Nicholas who lived a very long time ago and who was very generous…”

A very brief explanation followed of how a real man with a reputation of being very generous eventually morphed into a man who flies through the skies in a sleigh pulled by reindeer to deliver presents to children across the globe.

My daughter was surprisingly content with the whole thing, now able to embrace the truth and spirit of what it all stands for without having to wrestle through the fact that her experiences – and her ever-maturing gut instincts – don’t line up with what’s “supposed” to be true.

I can’t imagine how things would ultimately shake out if we told our daughter that she needed to defend her position or attempt to show others with differing ideas why they’re wrong. Or if we told her that she needed to hold unwaveringly to a belief in flying reindeer. Or if she felt the need to put her friendships on the line by drawing lines in the sand.

I can’t help but reflect on the parallels to my years in the evangelical world, where positions are defended, beliefs do need to be unwavering, and lines are drawn in the sand.

As I sit here across the room from a beautifully decorated Christmas tree with nicely wrapped packages around it, I think about the birth of Jesus. I think about his radical teachings about God, inclusion, and unconditional love, all of which challenged the religious system of the day.

And then I think about the modern institution of Christianity and how the core message of Jesus is often enveloped in so much dogma that many people feel suffocated.

And I desperately wish the church would get better at loosening the grip, allowing people to breathe, and trusting that things are going to be okay.

Tonight, for the first time in many years, my wife and I won’t be putting milk and cookies out for Santa or a carrot out for the reindeer. It might be a little sad that our daughter no longer believes in Santa, but our experience of Christmas will be no less rich and meaningful.

 

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Christianity, Church, Faith, Jesus

Radical Generosity

September 16, 2015 By admin Leave a Comment

8278270292_944d2bd192_m
Photo credit: IMG_2579(license)

A long time ago in what certainly feels like a galaxy far, far away, I was talking to a pastor of a vibrant, young church and somehow the topic of money came up.  He told me that when the offering bags got passed on Sunday mornings, he really wanted to announce, “Put money in if you can and take money out if you need it.”

He hadn’t ever actually done it; his faith wasn’t quite there.  Regardless, the very idea really challenged me.  Just let someone reach in and take money?

I was used to giving money to church. I was also used to giving money to help meet people’s needs.

But I wasn’t used to the church giving its money to help meet needs.

That’s something I actually saw very little of.

Aside from the obligatory costs of facilities and salaries, money was primarily used to start new churches, hire interns to help convert more people, and put on events meant to bring new people into the fold.

Photo credit: ”target=”_blank”>Hell Judgment(license)
Photo credit: Hell Judgment(license)

The argument was that we were meeting people’s eternal needs.  Clearly, saving people’s souls from a post-mortem lake of fire was the most responsible use of funds.  And for anyone on the fence about that, there were frequent reminders that Jesus said the poor would always be among us.

So reaching into a bag and taking money out appeared to undermine the most important need.  Never mind the fact that it seemed simply irresponsible.  What if the person taking the money wasn’t truly in need?

Even though every rational part of me fought against this idea, something deep inside tugged at my heart.  It’s as though a still, small voice was saying it was the right thing to do.  And yet, I never thought I’d experience it.

Flash forward about 12 years.  To when I did experience it.  Quite unexpectedly.

A church practicing radical generosity – at the corporate level, though I hate to use that terminology – with no strings attached.  No hoops to jump through.  No case to be made.  No panel required to deem whether a given need is legitimate or the recipient worthy.

Radical generosity where the bottom line is “We’re trusting God.”

It leaves me unsure how to respond.

Just like years before when presented with the idea of taking money from the offering bag, the rigid, Type-A part of me wants to say “No!  That’s irresponsible!  What if people take advantage? ”

But there’s another part of me – the part that gets goose bumps – that screams “Yes!”  What an incredible display of unconditional love.  Of trusting God.  Of faith.

And yet, this is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced.

I’m not going to make blanket statements about radical generosity vs. tight purse strings, as if one was clearly right and one was clearly wrong.  The issue of money and church is a complicated one.

But, regardless of right vs. wrong or responsible vs. irresponsible, I began to ponder how the money situation can be a thought-provoking and powerful reflection of the perspectives we hold on God’s love.

Do we believe God’s love is abundant, generous, and available to everyone with no strings attached and regardless of how ugly a person’s situation might be at any given point in time?  Does God’s love transcend circumstances and boundaries?  Does it reach through the muck and mire to embrace us right where we are?

Or is it tightly controlled and monitored, a contractual agreement of sorts where it’s doled out in its fullness only if a figurative application has been properly submitted with satisfactory answers to essay questions (think “conversion”) and as long as the recipient remains a member in good standing?

I’ve spent most of my life in the second camp, even though I didn’t consciously realize it.  I would’ve probably argued otherwise.

In fact, it’s only when confronted with starkly different experiences – the mere idea of a pastor who wants to tell people to reach in and take money from an offering bag and ultimately the sucker punch of a church that actually practices that level of trust and abundant generosity – that I even began to consider that there are two camps.

And for the first time ever, I started to reflect on the irony of having spent much of my life in churches that are far from generous even though they’re made up of generous people.

It’s an incredibly awkward dichotomy.

But I’m thrilled to be leaning into this new experience and allowing it to re-shape my understanding of God and of what’s holy and divine.

And in the process, hopefully I can rise to the challenge of adopting a true heart of radical generosity myself.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Christianity, Church, Generosity, God, Money

Luggage, Rental Cars, and God Winks

August 19, 2015 By admin Leave a Comment

In my last post, I talked about a book I read a while back that introduced me to “God Winks” and the idea that some of the things in our lives – namely the things that seem to be coincidences – might be more than they appear to be.  After reading the book, I started to see various events in my own life in a new light and with new possibility.

Part of me wanted to take the logical approach and dismiss the possibility that such coincidences had anything to do with the spiritual realm.  After all, I’m familiar with the notion that our brains work in such a way as to create meaning out of seemingly random events and experiences.  Plus, my religious background has often made it difficult to consider that God would work in such ways, especially across the boundaries of religion.

photo credit: last winter (license)
photo credit: last winter (license)

But I was reminded of a quote that’s attributed to Albert Einstein.  “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle.  The other is as though everything is a miracle.”

In addition, I’d found myself being emphatically implored by a number of authors and speakers to look for and expect such miracles, as well as be receptive to the intuitive promptings that I receive.

What does all of this have to do with anything?

Well, a few months ago, my wife and I were discussing details about an upcoming family trip to Disneyland.  We needed to get some new luggage, which I wasn’t thrilled about, and I casually mentioned that the last thing I wanted to spend money on as part of this fun trip was luggage.  But alas, luggage shopping we went.

We checked a few different places and ultimately found some decent stuff that was very reasonably priced, but I didn’t want to buy anything without checking out some customer reviews first.  So that night, I hopped online to do some research and, to my surprise, not only were the reviews great, but the retailer’s online price was 30% less than the in-store price.  And shipping was free.  Boom!  Done.

I always like a good deal, so this made me very happy.  As did the rental car that I’d previously secured for our trip, which happened to be about 40% less than all comparable vehicles from other rental agencies.

A couple days later, I had a nagging sense that I needed to check the car agency again.  I didn’t give it much thought at first, because I was more than happy with the car and the rate that I’d locked in.  But after the prompting persisted, I finally checked.

Lo and behold, the price on the particular class of car that I had reserved was now substantially less expensive for the dates we needed.

I found this extremely peculiar for two reasons: The original price was already a steal and the other car classes hadn’t decreased in price.  Peculiar or not, I wasn’t about to pass it up, so I locked in the new price.  Actually, this entire thing was peculiar for a third reason: when I went back and checked prices again later, the price had gone back up.  Curious, for sure, but I had already secured the lower rate so I went to bed with a smile on my face.

The next morning, I was in the shower and I got an overwhelming sense that I needed to start actively looking for “miracles” in my life.  It’s like someone was saying “You’ve been hearing this for long enough, now start doing it.”  Instead of just going through my days in a rote fashion, I needed to do so with acute intention and expectation.

I had the sense that I was at risk of missing out, not necessarily on the things going on in my life themselves, but potentially on the meaning or the realization that something bigger is more intimately involved and that things aren’t as random – and certainly not as humdrum – as I might otherwise think.

I think we can all relate to busy minds that are filled with the incessant chatter of unending thoughts.  If you’re like me, it can be difficult at times to discern what I should pay attention to and what’s just more chatter.  But I’ve been making more of an effort lately to key in and listen.

And something made it very clear that this time I needed to listen.

So I agreed to be more intentionally aware.  To be better about looking for meaning.

And then I got a nudge about the rental car.

I went and found my confirmation, looked at the total price, and smiled with gratitude for the screaming deal that it was.  But for some reason I felt like that wasn’t enough, like there was something more I needed to see.  So after a moment of slightly confused pondering, I decided to pull up the original confirmation and I looked at that total.

A quick attempt at the mental math had me slightly stupefied, so I got the calculator to confirm how much the price had dropped from the first reservation to the second.

And I chuckled.

It was the same amount that we had paid for the two pieces of luggage.  No, not to the penny.  But to the dollar.

Mere coincidence?  A random set of circumstances?  Is my brain now attempting to create meaning out of otherwise unrelated events?

Perhaps.

But perhaps not.

Perhaps it was a God Wink, a small reminder that maybe there’s good reason to live as though everything is a miracle.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Faith, God, God Wink

  • « Previous Page
  • 1
  • …
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
  • 6
  • 7
  • …
  • 11
  • Next Page »

Pages

  • About
  • Books

Subscribe to Blog via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Recent Comments

  • acar on False Evidence Appearing Real?
  • admin on False Evidence Appearing Real?
  • Landa on False Evidence Appearing Real?
  • David Edwards on Into the Unknown
  • Crystal on Into the Unknown

Archives

  • January 2024
  • December 2023
  • May 2020
  • April 2020
  • March 2020
  • March 2018
  • February 2016
  • December 2015
  • September 2015
  • August 2015
  • July 2015
  • May 2015
  • April 2015
  • March 2015
  • January 2015
  • December 2014
  • September 2014
  • August 2014
  • July 2014
  • June 2014
  • May 2014